Self-esteem is something that can go up and down throughout different periods of our lives. With so many pressures on children and young people in today’s world such as social media, worries about academic performance and the importance they put on other peoples’ views of them, it is no surprise that this is one of the most common issues that I am seeing at my NLP practice in Worcester at the moment. But what can we do as parents to promote good self-esteem in our children?

In this article I will give you 5 tips to improve your child’s self-belief and confidence.

1. Spend quality time with your child. This is so important and means more than just being with them physically. Be present, ask them questions about their day, and give them your full attention. Limit the time you are spending on devices around them and show them that their company is valued. You could set aside a couple of hours a week where you do an activity they enjoy together and agree that no phones/devices are allowed. Talk to them. Are there any issues at school that you are unaware of? If this is something you are worried about it may be worth talking to a staff member at their school to find out more.
2. Praise effort, not outcome. Show your child that it does not matter if they are the best, but that they try their best and that is good enough. Something to point out here is that it can be unhelpful to over-praise. This can lead to children thinking that they always have to be perfect, when actually we should be teaching them that it is ok to make mistakes and that this is how we learn to problem solve and work things out for ourselves.
3. Work with your child to recognise their emotions and how to communicate them. Sometimes low self-esteem can stem from feeling that others do not understand the way you are feeling, and this can be even more evident in children who do not have the communication skills to understand or explain their emotions. At my NLP therapy practice in Worcester I sometimes ask children to list as many feelings as they can think of. We then categorise them into good/bad feelings and then rank them according to intensity. To get a better understanding of what these feelings mean to your child, you could then ask them where in their body they feel it, if they could give it a colour what would it be, and ask them to think of a time when they felt that emotion, and what they did about it. Was there a more useful response they could have done? The more we talk about feelings, the easier it becomes to understand them and our responses to them.
4. Let them make their own choices where possible. This will allow your child to feel empowered and again will teach them that it is ok to make mistakes and great if we can learn from them. You might find it easier in some situations to give them options to choose from, such as “Do you want to do your homework before or after dinner?” This way, they are making a choice, but either way the homework is getting done!
5. Reframe your child’s beliefs about themselves. This means helping them to see their self-limiting beliefs from a different perspective. For example if your child says “I’m so stupid” you could reframe it with “You made a mistake, and that is ok. Remember when you made a mistake at gymnastics, and ended up learning a whole new move because of it?” Think of the positive (or often opposite!) side of what they are saying, and help them to see it from another point of view, or when they have challenged that idea of themselves in the past.

If you feel that your child would benefit from learning some strategies and techniques to increase their self esteem, get in touch to book a free consultation for one to one coaching at my NLP therapy practice in Worcester. Phone 07794 020471 or email joanne@nlp4kids.org